Can I eliminate the fear of pain in childbirth for someone?
How would I support a woman whose biggest fear is she won’t be able to have a normal, physiological birth, and won’t be able to deal with the pain of labor and will want an epidural?
First off, fear is a made-up thought or sequence of thoughts that are not real. What we humans do is make-up a possible future scenario that may or may not occur. When we focus on these thoughts we attract the very thing we fear into our lives. This is the law of attraction. This cycle of focusing on made-up futures produces lots of anxiety and inner turmoil.
The key is to stay present as much as possible. However, this doesn’t mean you don’t reflect on the past, or plan for the future. It means that you are aware of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and can gain control over those. It takes some practice, and it is possible.
As my yoga teacher would say, “It’s all about the breath. It is the link between the body and the mind.”
Surprisingly, I am a great example of what is possible. For my births, I didn’t have this knowledge about the breath, but I did know that fear would not support me in birth. I did know that staying calm was the key. I now know that everything in life, including birth, doesn’t just happen to us. We set the stage, and create the path on our journey every day and every moment. Our thoughts matter greatly.
So now, back to the question of is it possible to eliminate the fear of the pain of childbirth? Or is it really about facing the fear and feeling it, exploring where it comes from, and reformulating new and different thoughts and beliefs that produce excitement, and nervous anticipation?
It is about knowing that no matter what, you can respond calmly to the circumstances, or even create them!! Sounds simple, or even illogical and irrational. Sometimes it is our logical, rational brain that gets in our way. And, thoughts are energy and energy attracts other energy. If this is a foreign concept to you, and you are thinking it makes no sense, stick with me for this.
Visualization of your birth
Think about and visualize your birth. Who is with you? How are you positioned? What does the room or space look like? Imagine yourself surrounded by love, and knowing that all is well and will be well. That feels great, right? Now think about yourself surrounded by strangers, or people you don’t like, and you are being told how to position yourself, and the room is uncomfortable for some reason. You don’t feel safe.
Which vision feels better? It seems like a no brainer. You may be telling yourself things like I know it is going to hurt. Or, I can’t possibly be calm and relaxed while I give birth. I am here to tell you:
“Yes, you can feel relaxed. You can feel so much love around you that it will negate all fear because fear is the opposite of love.”
If you want to eliminate the fear of not being able to experience a normal physiological birth, surround yourself with love. Start with fully loving yourself, and practicing positive affirmations. Listen to and watch beautiful well-supported births. Births that show how powerful women are. This is what will have you begin to gain a different perspective on fear of pain in childbirth.
At the same time, explore various pain coping techniques such as breathwork, Reiki, meditation, hypnosis, water, doulas. There are so many options besides epidural. Make a list of all the possible options and try them on. Keep all the tools in the toolbox.
You are your most valuable resource. Rely on yourself, tell yourself how amazing and powerful you are. Fear is all in your mind. You are love and can overcome fear. You have the power to shift your thoughts and create a birth experience that will leave you feeling powerful beyond belief.